The original My Bloody Valentine is on Netflix now. I haven’t seen the remake, though after seeing this one (and finding out Jensen Ackles is in the new one), it’s going to be a must-see. They might become an annual Valentine’s double feature.
Decades ago, a team of miners got trapped when their supervisors skipped out early to go the the Valentine’s Day dance in their town (Valentine Bluffs). Only one makes it out alive–after eating the rest of his crew. He returns to the town the following year and murders some people, threatening to do it again if they continue to hold the Valentine’s dance. They decide to stop…until now, or in this case, 1981. He returns, just as he warned. The town calls off the dance after he begins to murder again, but then those darn young people decide to throw a dance at the mine!
- The setting. Mines are scary, but Valentine’s Day usually isn’t, so this is great juxtaposition.
- Quality kills. Boiling a face in hot-dog water, mounting a body so a shower head sprays through her mouth, and a body burning in a dryer.
- Hollis (Keith Knight). Hollis is a happy-go-lucky mine worker that provides great comic relief, but also is a hero with superhuman constitution that he uses for drinking and for taking a nail-gun to the head.
- Sarah (Lori Hallier). When her friend starts to panic in the mine, Sarah slaps her in the face and tells her to get it together. Girl power!
- T.J. Hanniger (Paul Kelman). Sarah’s ex-boyfriend returns after breaking up with her to go be a teacher (?). Now that he’s failed at that, he wants her back. His character uses no fewer than four accents in the film, and when he goes to the mine dance, he looks like this (I really hope this is what Jensen Ackles wears):
Dark Muse Value
This one is pretty straightforward–Do the right thing. This means:
- Don’t skip out on work early.
- Listen to your elders.
- Be sensitive when someone dies.
- Don’t have sex in the mines.
- Don’t drink like a Canadian, even if you are Canadian.
- If you like Valentine’s Day, don’t rub it in someone else’s face.
- Wear a hard hat.
- Tell your girlfriend if you need to leave town to become a teacher.
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